Good Evening.

Apologies are in order. I'm shit at posting. Nuff said. 

Well, since I last posted, I have most likely yo-yo'ed weight-wise. 
But because I don't have constant access to scales, I wouldn't know. It feels like it. I come bearing tips, pictures and news. 

Tips:

1). A lot of water weight can be easily avoided. I mainly do this around my thighs, but it can probably be done anywhere as long as you don't suffocate yourself. CLING FILM! Yes, that's right, I shit you not. A simple kitchen inhabitant can help lose water weight. Basically, all you have to do is moisturize the area you wish to lose water-weight, then wrap somewhat tightly in cling film. Not too tight, because it will aggravate you. I recommend doing this before you go to sleep every night for a few days. You will lose inches, but all the fat will still be there! You may wake up in the early hours of the morning, around 6ish(based on an 8 hour nights sleep) depending on what time you go to bed, and you body will will subconsciously remove it (slide it down your legs, etc.) and then go back to sleep. Just be aware of this because you may think some weirdo comes in your room every night to take them off.  Just saying. :) 

2). I guarantee that not all of you will love drinking water. It's a taste left a lot to be desired. However, you can stay hydrated with sparkling water or sugar free lemon or lime water or whatever. I swear by sparkling water. I've drank it since I was like 6, so it's not a big change to my life. 

3). Sleep. My sleeping pattern is fucked, to say the least. I've been up till 4am most days this week, and not crawling out of bed until my mum wakes me up. It's recommended by fucking everyone. Want to lose weight, lots of sleep! Want to recover from the flu, lots of sleep! You name it, sleep is probably good for it. It helps regulate your metabolism so you burn off calories effectively throughout the day. 

4). Coffee. I swear by it. It's like a saviour from Ana. It boosts the metabolism and it keeps you awake, being able to burn more calories. Unfortunately, anything that boosts my metabolism, gives me heat rash. FUCK YOU BODY! I go bright red all over my face, my neck, my ears, shoulders, top of my chest, upper arms, even the top of my back for fuck's sake. I aim to drink at least one cup a day, normally when I don't have to go out anywhere, so later in the day. I take mine without milk and two sugars, because I'm bitter enough. :) However you take it, that's cool, but don't pour the entire sugar jar in there and half a pint of milk. Darling, you are trying to lose weight, not gain it. That is why you are here. That or you're some freaky stalker. 

5). Laxatives. I do not condone overdosing on these just because you binged! Get a grip. I suggest Senna tablets, which are proven herbal remedies used to stimulate the bowel. Take maybe one or two a day, just to get things moving. Same as before, take them at night and you'll most likely go the next day, depending on how much excess food you have in your system. Don't use these too often, maybe once or twice a week, because otherwise your body will become immune to them and stop stimulating your bowel. I used to have this problem, but I think I might have temporary IBS. [Irritable Bowel Syndrome which makes you go whenever you eat food your body doesn't agree with].  (Yes, this is possible, my mum suffers bouts of it from time to time as well as lazy bowel syndrome.) I'm basically shitting fat, which is quite frankly a God-send, even though I'm an atheist. Another natural laxative is 

6). Green tea. I have had a first hand experience of this,  but then again the teabags were like 2 years out of date (cheers, idiotic relative!). It tastes like cat's piss, with and without sugar. The health benefits are supposed to outweigh the shite taste, such as boosting your metabolism and releasing anti-oxidants, making your skin look amazing. These facts come from dickhead dietitians, so I can't guarantee the reliability. 1800 calories per day my arse. I'd gain weight, not lose it!  

That's about it with the tips. 

Well, news: I'm dying for a six pack and a thigh gap. That's all I want, alongside skinny long fingers, tiny wrists and no double chin. I have to say though, my double chin has definitely subsided. Even as I wrote this, I had to make a rapid dash to the toilet. It doesn't help that I had sausage and chips for tea. All the carbs and saturated fats get me swiftly running to the nearest toilet. Not that I'm complaining. My guess is that I'm currently somewhere around 105-115lbs. Might be more, might be less. (Please be less!) 

Well; let's get to the point. My reasons for writing this fall into two categories. 1). I'm in dire need of motivation. I plan on doing a cardio run tomorrow morning at around 6-7ish. Cardio run is a term I've made up. Basically, constant running/jogging will do jack shit. But 2 minutes sprinting and then 2 minutes walking will get your heart rate going faster than my fat yoda-like grandma to the chocolate/biscuit/crisps isle in Asda! I kid you not, my dears. 
My second point is that I haven't posted in a while and I feel really guilty because I have like 96 page-views from people who probably want me to update quick time. 

I shall leave you with my Tumblr address because I sometimes post thinspo and you can send me a message reminding me to update my blog. I also post a lot of gay stuff (literally), so if you're easily offended or are a member of the Westboro Baptist Church, don't follow me. I post tons of shit, so I apologize in advance. The address says it all.  the-gay-ones.tumblr.com 

If you don't mind, photo's will be posted a little bit later on tonight, when I've 
found most of my favourite pictures and things. But I promise they will be posted
tonight. 

Good luck, Have fun, Be happy.